Jonathan is 6 months old. Can you believe it? My darling sweet-cheeked, chubby thighs, giggly baby is 6 months old? I love watching him develop, but I hate that it goes by so quickly. This morning, when I nursed him, he fell asleep at my breast, so calm and perfectly content. Usually I lay him down for a nap, but I wanted to prolong the moment. I'm glad we snuggled, but I should have put him down for a nap, because he didn't sleep well. Anyhow, Jonathan, more so than any of my other children, really does not do well without the comforts and schedule of home. He doesn't sleep in other places and will not eat well unless he is at home. It can be frustrating since I'm not exactly housebound these days. But at the same time, it is a nice excuse when I want to stay home.
So I woke up this morning with a headache and a very sick stomach. I wanted to go back to bed, but with 5 kids, I don't really have that luxury. I went to my go-to cure for headaches: sudafed, ibuprofen, coke and water. Not so fun sipping coke at 6 a.m., but it did settle my stomach and I was able to make breakfast for the kids. Thankfully, my headache did go away but I was left with this odd buzz for most of the day--until I crashed hard. This is one reason why I only drink coke for the most pressing of emergencies.
Josef complained of not feeling well so I let him stay home. The kids only had a half-day because of parent-teacher conferences. He snuggled on the couch and chatted with Brooke for most of the morning.
I took a shower and then stared dismally at my dwindling clothing options. For the past month, my body has been doing weird things and I do not fit in one single pair of pants that I own, with the exception of sweat pants. I don't yo-yo with weight. I don't gain weight rapidly. Sometimes I lose weight quickly if I'm sick, but gaining weight is not something I do. I'm not sure if I gained anything. I had lost all of my pregnancy weight and was wearing my regular clothes after 2 months. So it is definitely weird. Anyhow, two weeks ago, it looked like I was 3 months pregnant. I kid you not. I was all puffy where my uterus would stick out. I took a pregnancy test just to make sure--after the last surprise, I didn't want to ignore that possibility. It was negative. The bloating has subsided somewhat, but my whole body looks off. I've contemplated going to the doctor, but what do I say? "Doctor, my jeans don't fit." I'm trying to decide if I should break down and buy some new jeans because I refuse to wear sweatpants in public--and I can only suffer so much in too tight jeans. And dresses aren't always the best choice for playing at the park.
Brent and I traded cars and he took the kids while I went off to see my therapist. I started seeing a therapist last week because I suffer from clinical depression. I'm not currently in a state of depression, but I know that it is too easy to cycle into such a state. I found out that IBM has an Employee Assistance Program which provides counseling services. I decided to be brave and make the call. I want to more readily recognise what pushes me into depression and develop tools to help me overcome it. Last week I talked and my therapist advised to me make sure I was taking time everyday to recharge my batteries. This week she reminded me that I can't do everything and that I must prioritize. It's funny, because that message has been repeated several times, in General conference, then in Stake conference and then by my therapist. So I guess the Lord is trying to tell me something. I need to be more humble, ask for help and stop trying to do everything. It was a good session and I felt good when I left.
I drove right from the therapist to the elementary school and met with Walter's teachers and Trent's teacher. The conferences were very positive.
Well, I could go on longer, but I do need to go and fold some laundry.
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